What Am I Living For?

“僕が死のうと思ったのは” by Amazarashi

You told me, you were not sure what you were living for. That nothing was ever good enough. And that the good never lasted.

That no matter how many times people told you, you’re beautiful, you’re wonderful, you’re perfect just the way you are, you should be happy, you’ve done great, that you felt like it wasn’t good enough.

If you thought happiness should be a core value in your life, but that you could never be happy because you always thought, happiness never lasts, and I’m waiting for the ball to drop, then what can you do?

If living is, as the Buddhists said, a constant circle of pain, as a hedonist, should you keep living? The world tells you, buck up, cheer up, you’ll find the right path, you’ll find the right person/people, there will be better things in life – and you know they’re lying by omission, should you, end it all?

What if you based your life, as I have done, on the happiness of others? And the others fluctuated, and one day you realized, that they did not stand where they told you to stand anymore?

What if?