Maantien Laitaa

If we could be free and want each other always. Want each other to be free and to want each other at the same time. If these days could last forever and we would never change.

If my world and your world could circle each other around the same axis in a never-ending parallel. If we would stay the way we are, all the  while adding rainbow-coloured layers to our souls. If one day we would mend the broken pieces and we would be whole, whatever whole is.

If you could be happy for me when I met another woman. If I could be happy for you when you met another man. If you could nod when I told you the painter with the blonde curls was beautiful and you said, yes, she is. If when you nodded I could feel free to walk up to her and I’d hold her in my arms and you would smile.

If.

One day, I will wake up and see the light come through the jalousie in this house. This house that’s so comfortable and familiar, like you are. The light calls me, is nudging me to move on. Another day, you will walk through the kitchen and feel foreign in a place you’ve called home for all your life. All of its photos, all of the daisies you’ve tended to, the iittala dishes we picked out together. Those days, we will know that our orbs have shifted by a single milimeter and that the end has begun.

All boundaries are conventions

“So, here you are
too foreign for home
too foreign for here.
Never enough for both.”

Poem: Fragment from “Diaspora Blues” by Ijeoma Umebinyuo
from Questions for Ada (2015)

Sixsmith. I climb the steps of the Scott Monument every morning and all becomes clear. Wish I could make you see this brightness. Don’t worry, all is well. All is so perfectly, damnably well. I understand now that boundaries between noise and sound are conventions. All boundaries are conventions, waiting to be transcended. One may transcend any convention if only one can first conceive of doing so. Moments like this, I can feel your heart beating as clearly as I feel my own, and I know that separation is an illusion. My life extends far beyond the limitations of me.